MTV is Looking for Younger Men

Casting Call for Cougar Couple

A leading cable network is casting women who are empowering, successful, fabulous and the younger men they love for a groundbreaking docuseries!

Are you a successful, powerful woman who loves to date younger men or a younger man who loves to date successful women?

Do you have a man at home who depends on you as the breadwinner?

For more information, please e-mail: pamperedliving@rtvshows.com

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My 18 Year Old Cub Proposed!

                                                                          

Hi Lucia,

I really admire your work and think you are fantastic.  I am a 31 year old single mom with two young children.  I met my cub when he was just 17 and we fell head over heels in love.  I pushed him away until he turned 18, as hard as that was for the both of us.  He will be turning 19 this month.

He proposed to me on Christmas day and I said yes.  Is it wrong for me to marry a teenager of 19 when I am a 31 year old woman?  When we are together I don’t question it, but he is away for a couple of months and I’m starting to have doubts. He treats me so well and we are very happy together, as are my children. I don’t want to push him away again because of my fear of the age difference.  Karen

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

Is She a Cougar?

Hi Lucia,

I'm 23 years and there is a 40ish, extremely hot lady at the gym who dresses to kill and seduce.  She does wear a ring or should I say more than one.  How can I find out if she is a Cougar?  Sean

Hi Sean,

The fact that she dresses to "kill and seduce" as you say (although, shouldn't it be the other way around), could mean one of two things:  1)  She is indeed a Cougar who is on the prowl and wants to attract as much attention as possible or 2) She's in a relationship or married and not getting enough attention, so she uses her clothes to make her feel wanted and attractive, but she has no intentions of going any further.

Read the rest of the answer at The Cougar Club

I'm Obsessed With My Cub!

Hi Lucia,

I've been dating a cub 20 years younger than me for about six months. I allow myself to become obsessed with what he's doing when I'm not with him. I hate not feeling in control.  How can I stop obsessing and get back in the driver's seat of this relationship?  Claire

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

Will Dating Cougars Mess Me Up?

Hello Lucia,

I’m a 20 year old male who’s in a great sexual relationship with a very sexy and gorgeous 40 year old woman. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend but just hanging out.  Do you think this will mess me up later on when I move past her, if we don’t create a real, full relationship?  I don’t want to have a hard time adjusting down the road with someone closer to my age.  Joe

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

Broken Cougar Engagement

Dear Lucia,

I was in a year and a half relationship with a younger guy.  It just recently ended, and I think it was mostly due to my worrying about our age difference.  I continued to have so many doubts even after he would continue to reassure me that my age didn't matter.  

We were going to be engaged and I sabotaged that as well.  I felt we weren’t accepted socially, which was, I now realize, ridiculous.

I am really hurting but I wanted to tell my story and give women the confidence that I didn't have, so that they don't lose their relationship for the same reasons or end things before they have a chance to begin.  Lori

Dear Lori,

I’m sorry to hear that you are in so much pain, because it could have been avoided.  Older women/younger men relationships are not yet accepted by most people, but that’s no reason to avoid them.  If someone has a problem with this type of relationship, it’s their problem, not the couple’s problem.

I’ve made it my mission to make the “Cougar” lifestyle more socially acceptable so that people don’t have to feel embarrassed or ashamed because they are attracted to someone who is much older/younger.

As more and more people jump on the bandwagon, it will not be as taboo as it is today.  I believe in 5-10 years, these relationships will no longer be such a big deal. 

I'm a Virgin Cub

                                                                                    

Dear Lucia,

I'm a nineteen year old male from England, and for the past year or so I've found myself becoming increasingly attracted to older women. At first I just counted them among the many girls I found attractive and didn't think much more of it, as all young men do, but over time I found myself appreciating their beauty and maturity more and more, and now I feel like it may be time to finally take the plunge and begin dating them.

However, one thing that keeps coming back to me is the idea of cougars as being very sexual beings who want lots of fun and enjoyment in bed. As I am still a virgin, since I prefer to think of sex as something meaningful between two people who care very much for one another rather than as part of a random fling, some part of me feels that I may disappoint them there due to my lack of experience. While that makes me feel a little hesitant about getting involved with an older woman, I also know that I feel more attracted to them than many of the girls my own age. Do you have any advice for me?  Sam

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club

Interracial Cougar

Hi Lucia,

I am 37 and African-American.  I typically date Caucasian women 5-15yrs older than me.  My conventional wisdom creeps into my head that many older, white women have no experience with interracial dating and this could be a major roadblock to both dating and a strong relationship   I live in the Twin Cities and this is the most diverse city and accepting of interracial relationships that I have seen.

What advice can you give me on how to attract those quality cougars that are open to dating inter racially?   There are a lot of wannabe cougars but clearly they are not in the league of those true cougars.  Many women think because they are older and look decent and date younger that makes them cougars, which it doesn't.

I consider myself a charming, witty, beguiling, confident man but need a few pointers to get me to the next level.  Tony

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club

My Cub Wants us to Move in Together

                                                                                

Hi Lucia,

I'm 59, attractive and look 10-15 younger than my years. I was not looking to become a cougar, but a man 22 years younger than me pursued me until I could no longer resist him. Now, six months into our courtship, he wants us to move in together and start building a lasting relationship.

  

We do not depend on each other financially.  We share a real emotional bond and have a wonderful, highly charged intimate life. He is not only a take charge, Alpha male, but he is very handsome and has a great following of young women who would love to be with him. He however, says that in his 37 years, he has not found with anyone else what he has found in me. He already has a child and is adamant that he does not want anymore.

I've never heard of a relationship like ours.   Although we no longer even discuss our chronological difference, I can't help but wonder if a long term relationship is really possible, or if we are destined to be just a fling.

What do you think?  Lucky Lioness

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club

A Cub Wants to Marry Me

                                                                                 

Hi Lucia,

I dated a much younger guy a couple of times about a year ago.   I was attracted to him, our dates went well, but I viewed him as a partying type.

Since our last date, he called me about four times to touch base.  He was having financial problems and had moved out of town.  Recently, he contacted me again after having moved back here.

During this call, he told me he missed me, had been thinking about me for a long time, loved me and wanted to marry me.   I told him that he had not really called me that much over the last year for me to believe that missed me.  He said he had been moving around to get financially on track and he would start calling me again.

The last few days, he has been calling, but it still feels strange.  He talks about making a life with someone, being lonely, not wanting an uncaring or flighty type, and feeling like he wasted the last ten years of his life partying and spending money.   

I’m single and would like to have the right guy.   I don’t want to date anyone who is insincere about me.  It's been a long journey to get to this point and I can pretty much see the guys coming who want the ruby instead of the diamond.  Should I continue to talk to this guy if I suspect this is what is going on?  I am feeling a little cautious about the whole thing.  Cautious

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club

My Cub is 23 Years Younger!

Dear Lucia,

I met a young man 23 years younger than myself online playing a game.  We ended up falling for each other 3 months into the game and then 3 months later we met each other. 

We had so much in common even with the age difference.  It was a long distance relationship but we fell in love.  We were together for a year after we met, and then we both started feeling strange about the way people would look at us when we held hands or hugged. 

After a few months, we decided it would be best to just be friends, and it has been so difficult.  I love him so much; want to be with him all the time and I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

Is this normal?  I was married for 25 years and never ever had the type of relationship with my ex that I had and still have with my friend.  We laugh, cry, tell each other things that no one else ever knew.  Can we still keep this relationship alive without the love making and still have the love exist?  We both think we can, but others tell us we are just kidding ourselves.  Cel

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club

I'm 19 and my Cougar is 41

Dear Lucia,

I am 19 years old and am currently in a physical relationship with a woman who is 41 years old. We  go out to eat and spend time together every now and then, but I find myself interested in wanting a more serious relationship.

I understand that plenty of people think the age difference is too large but for someone my age, I have a lot going. I currently work two jobs and attend a very prestigious college. I am earning about 40k a year. It may be enough to get me through school and put away for savings but not quite support her. She is struggling with expenses and had been laid off.

We are great friends, have a lot in common, and just love being around each other. I will be starting a fairly good job with Chase Manhattan Bank at the end of this year and will be able to provide for her financially, so finances won't be an issue.

How I go about telling her?  What do you think I should say or do?  If everything works out with her, how do I go about explaining this to my family?  I want to be sure they accept her and treat her well. Any advice or assistance you could give me would be greatly appreciated.  Michael

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club

Manipulative Cub

Dear Lucia,

I recently met a man who is 10 years younger, very savvy, attentive, full of energy and successful.  He was very up front about being very interested & sincere and asked me out.   I said I had plans that day but would be available another day. After that he couldn’t find the time.

I have known 2 older men who treated me horrendously and had no energy.  I mentioned this to him, as I didn’t want the same thing from him.  There was loads of attraction on both sides, great sizzling emails wanting to do the boyfriend/girlfriend scenario (his idea). 

However, he has recently made a complete turnaround from extremely sizzling to extremely cold-hearted.  When I tried to call to wish him a happy birthday I got a gruff, “I’m in a meeting”.  When I mentioned buying him a fish for his exotic fish tank, I got a foul reaction saying, “You can’t afford it, but I can!”

At first he wanted to take me to dinner but then it was, “You don’t want dinner do you?” as though I’m not good enough.   He also mentioned he was a manipulator which was not what I read.  I was kind, friendly, tried to be compassionate & warm, mentioned I do have good values and like to wait for a good thing.  He said “I’m busy and will be busy for at least 20 months plus”, whereas he seemed to have the time before!  It was difficult to pin point him (switched his phone off).  I can’t get to know someone in a couple of weeks of conversation, which was mainly x- rated.

Do I continually self sabotage since I didn’t say yes straight away?  I was expecting something better from a younger guy with no cynicism and so much life.  I just got the same as the older blokes (which I know I am not suited to).  How can I be so wrong?

I hope you may be able to shed some light on where I have gone wrong, as he seemed completely upfront.  He mentioned he wanted to share himself and his home with someone yet he jumped around by being great one moment and cruel the next.

Am I the perennial sucker!  I am very disillusioned and my self esteem has plummeted to an all time low.  Ann

Hi Ann,

Please pick up your self-esteem.  You didn’t do anything wrong, except not see all the red flags.  I don’t care what this guy said about wanting a relationship and someone to share his home.  Don’t look at what a guy says, look at what he does.  If you had simply looked at his actions, you would not have missed the flags.

The only time you should look at what a guy says is when his conversation is x-rated.  That immediately tells you he’s just looking for sex.  A man who is interested in you is not going to risk offending you by talking like that, especially if he hardly knows you.

This guy is not looking for a relationship – at least not with you.  Forget him!

International Cougar

Dear Lucia,

I've been in a cyber-relationship with a guy who lives in another country for 9 months. We see each other every night through the web cam and I call him or he calls me almost every day. He looks like he's really in love when he says it and his behavior demonstrates what he says.

He wants to marry me and have kids with me. I do too. He's 24 and I'm 32 and he says that he has always liked older women.  I started to feel something very special for him that for a period of time I thought was love, but now I don't feel that way as much.

Somehow we've managed to be apart and not let the relationship get cold because of the distance. I'm not able to go to see him and he's not able to come to the US because he doesn't have a visa.

Sometimes he's kind of possessive and controlling and I've had some confrontations with him about those issues and we've been getting through them.  He's been very cooperative with those matters saying that he would do anything to make this relationship to work.

However, I recently met someone else in a chat room and it's making me think about cheating on my cyber-boyfriend.  He lives in another state but he's overseas most of the time and does not have enough time for relationships.

We became good friends and have a pretty nice connection since we were born in the same city.  I have a blast every time we talk.  We talk often over messenger and sometimes over the phone.

Now he wants to meet me and try to be with me in a serious relationship. I've told him that since he is almost never home that I'm not interested in that kind of relationship. He said that he wants to try with me because he likes me very much and he's been thinking about leaving the job he has now and working on something where he doesn't have to be absent so much.

He seems into me.  He tells me that I'm the kind of woman that he would like to spend his time with and in the future who knows, live together, get married and have kids (he doesn't have any and haven't ever been married).

We made plans to get together in the next month.  I like him a lot, but somehow I don't trust him. I'm afraid he might be lying about his life and that he only wants to have sex with me. We already talked about sex and what we like and don't like. He tells me every time we talk that he wants to be with me and that he'll make it happen.

Should I meet him and see what happens?  If we like each other enough that the chemistry is floating in the air when we meet, should I have sex with him on that first date?   Should I say anything about this to my cyber-boyfriend?

If things work out with this guy, how should I break up with my cyber-boyfriend? I know for sure that he'll be devastated.  Girl Overseas 

Dear Girl,

Wow, you’ll do just about anything not to be in a relationship, won’t you?  You’re fooling yourself if you think you’re interested in either one of these guys.   You don’t know anything about them except what they choose to tell you.  Until you meet someone face to face, you don’t know who you’re dealing with.

If you do meet the 2^nd guy, DO NOT have sex with him the first time, no matter how much chemistry there is.  Your intuition is telling you not to trust him and you should listen.  You only know him from what he’s told you.  Always look at what a man does, not what he says.  If a guy just wants to have sex, he will say anything!

As for your “cyber-boyfriend”, if you really need that much attention, you can continue to talk to him, but don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s going to go anywhere.

If you’re really interested in a relationship, you need to find someone in or near your zip code.

I Want to be a Boy-Toy

Hi Lucia,

I’m 19 and still a virgin.  I can be shy at first, but I get over it after a while. I would love to find myself a Cougar and be her boy-toy.  How can I get the attention of older women?  Boy-toy

Hi Boy-toy,

I would suggest joining an online dating sites.  I would recommend www.dateacougar.com.  Don’t be afraid to put in your profile that you are “inexperienced” and looking for someone to “show you the ropes”.  Some women actually prefer that!

Cougar Co-Worker

Dear Lucia,

I'm 21 years old.  I've recently fallen for an older woman I work with, she's 38.   I find it so hard because I can't be myself around her.  I let myself fall knowing that it would be a mistake.

She has a boyfriend who lives overseas which makes things so difficult.  I just need tips on how to get over her.  I can’t stop thinking about her and it's really driving me nuts!  T.J.

Hi T.J.

Well, this is a fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into young man!  Just kidding!

Since you work together, it’s going to be difficult to avoid her, but try to stay away from her as much as you can.  Only interact with her if you absolutely have to.

As for constantly thinking about her, that will be more difficult to deal with.  She’s currently residing in your head.  Whenever you find yourself thinking about her (I know, it’s probably every 5 minutes), think of something you don’t like – a food, place, whatever.  Eventually there will be a negative association when she comes to mind, and you will begin to think about her less and less.

Cougar Dating Sites

Hi Lucia,

I am 19 years old and seem not to have an emotional connection with anyone in my age range.  For a long time I have been attracted to older women.  I hate the drama of my generation.  It seems to me that women in my age range are losing their want for independent thought. I like strong minded, mature, and beautiful women with out the drama.  I think that is why I have always been attracted to older women.  Is it possible to find an older woman who is interested in someone my age or should I just give up?    Jim

Hi Jim,

Your email confirms that young, adult males are definitely interested in older women for more than just sex.  Some people still find that hard to believe.  You are obviously wise beyond your years, if at 19, you feel the need to be with someone more mature. 

I would suggest an internet dating sites that specializes in Cougar relationships such as www.dateacougar.com

Are Cougars Insecure?

Hi Lucia,

I love dating or seeing older women. I love the way they handle themselves and look. 21 year olds are fun but get old. An active, older woman who likes to go out and can turn heads with a great cocktail dress and heels is the most attractive thing I can think of.

I’d like to know why older women always ask why I like them and how come I am not "into" younger girls.  Are all older women this insecure about this?  Brian

Hi Brian,

Luckily, not all older women are insecure about the age factor.  Most know that they are the total package and have more to offer than younger women, because they’ve had more time to get their act together.

You may be meeting women who are recently divorced and back on the dating scene or who have always dated older men.  The concept of a guy preferring an older woman is still quite new to a lot of people.

Tell them the same things you’ve told me and that should help appease their concerns.

My Cougar Disappeared

Dear Lucia,

About three months ago I began dating an older woman who happens to be 35 years old.  I am 25.  We've been on a couple of dates since then and have been getting on just great, but in the past month I have not heard from her at all. 

I'm guessing it might just be my insecurities, but I feel that I may have been given the flick!  I've tried getting in contact with via email and by phone but alas to no avail. I've really fallen for this woman.  Ossie

Dear Ossie,

I’m glad you wrote to me, because it proves that older women are not always the ones who are chasing younger men.  More often than not, it’s the other way around!

I don’t have enough information to make an educated guess as to what may have happened.  However, I do know that continuing to try to get in touch with her is just going to make matters worse.

You need to leave her alone.  If she wants to get back in touch, she will. If you really were getting along great, at some point, she will pop up again.