Friday, May 13, 2011

Will Dating Cougars Mess Me Up?

Hello Lucia,

I’m a 20 year old male who’s in a great sexual relationship with a very sexy and gorgeous 39 year old woman. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend but just hanging out.  Do you think this will mess me up later on when I move past her, if we don’t create a real, full relationship?  I don’t want to have a hard time adjusting down the road with someone closer to my age.  Joe

Dear Joe,

I hate to tell you, but you will not be a typical young adult once this relationship is over.  You’ve now gotten a taste of what it’s like to have great sex with someone who is experienced and uninhibited.   It’s like eating spaghetti at a fine, Italian restaurant and then trying to get used to eating Spaghetti-Os.  I don’t think so. 

You’re also now used to dealing with a mature woman, where there is little to no drama and the conversations are deeper than with someone your age.  Most girls in their 20s either don’t have the confidence and/or experience to be up to par sexually with a more mature woman.  To quote from the book, “Older Women, Younger Men”, Tom, age 25 said of his 46 year old lover, “After being with Claudia for five years, I was ruined.  I couldn’t stand talking to a young woman all night.  They were all so empty compared to Claudia.”

However, having said this, that is no reason to feel you have to have a “full relationship” with this woman if you don’t want to.  In fact, I wouldn’t even recommend it.  It is what it is – a great sexual relationship.  Enjoy it while it lasts, the future will take care of itself.  Who knows?  You may find you prefer older women after all, and won’t be interested in girls your own age.


  1. Lucia - you're advice is right on! Being single at 50 I went out with a few 20 year olds just because they wanted to and I believe age is "just" a number. But for real love - there'd be a lot of obstacles and even if there were real wouldn't mean succesful blending of lives. I'm glad you're so pro dating and yet realistic about it!

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