Tuesday, June 14, 2011

25 Year Old in a 40 Year Old Body

Hi Lucia,

I’ve dated all across the age spectrum, but I always come back to older women.  Without fail, the younger ones do not have the “texture” that holds my interest, much less the class, elegance, poise and life experience that I appreciate in a high-caliber woman.  I found it funny a few years ago when the term Cougar came into the lexicon.  I guess you could say that I loved cougars before Cougars were cool.

Just over a year ago, my sweetie and I broke up.  We had been together for 5 ½ years and she was most definitely the love of my life and in my belief (and those of more than one psychic and intuitive), my soul mate or as some would say, one of them.

The breakup wasn’t my choice and frankly, it was devastating to me.  To this day, I’m still very much in love with her and would marry her tomorrow.  I’m 40, she’s 53.  The age matters to me not one bit.  I find her to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known and when I see her, I see God.  That may sound hokey, but it was actually a deeply spiritual relationship and that was an area we both shared very much.

The reason for the demise of the relationship was because I hit a rough spot in my life and found out I actually wasn’t as grown-up as I thought I was.  It became apparent that in many ways I was a 25 year old in a 40 year old body.  That is not good for an older woman who is elegant, classy and sophisticated and needs a mature, responsible man in her life, soul mate or not.

I’ve spent the last year “in the desert” and I’ve grown up.  How can I convince her of this so that we can start to rekindle what we had?   Mick

Hi Mick,

Your email got my attention when I read, “when I see her, I see God.”  I wonder how many other men feel that way about their women but didn’t have a way to describe it?

Congratulations for working on yourself.  Better late than never!  The only way you can convince your ex that you’ve changed is over time through your actions, not words.  “Don’t talk about it, be about it”.

I don’t know if you’re still in contact with her or not.  Either way, invite her out to dinner.  Tell her that you’ve worked on yourself, addressing the specific issues that led to the break up.  Don’t try too hard to sell it.  This should be a casual conversation before the dessert arrives.

See how she responds and tell her you’d like to start rebuilding a friendship.  Do not try to jump right back into dating.  She will probably be cautious, wondering if you really have grown up.  Let things unfold slowly and naturally, and you should be okay.

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