Monday, August 8, 2011

My 18 Year Old Cub Proposed!


                                                                          


Hi Lucia,

I really admire your work and think you are fantastic.  I am a 31 year old single mom with two young children.  I met my cub when he was just 17 and we fell head over heels in love.  I pushed him away until he turned 18, as hard as that was for the both of us.  He will be turning 19 this month.

He proposed to me on Christmas day and I said yes.  Is it wrong for me to marry a teenager of 19 when I am a 31 year old woman?  When we are together I don’t question it, but he is away for a couple of months and I’m starting to have doubts. He treats me so well and we are very happy together, as are my children. I don’t want to push him away again because of my fear of the age difference.  Karen


Hi Karen,

I don’t have an issue with the 12 year age difference, especially since it seems most Cougar/Cub relationships usually have at least a 15 year difference.  My issue is with his age.  A teenager has no business getting married, no matter how mature he may appear to be.  Scientists at the NIH campus at Bethesda, Maryland discovered that the part of the brain which weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn’t fully mature until age 25.   

I’m assuming you were married to your children’s father, so they’ve already been through one divorce.  Do you really want to put them in the unpleasant position of most likely having to go through another one?  Their mental and emotional well being should be your priority. 

You can certainly continue to date him and possibly consider marriage down the road, if you’re still together, however I see no need for marriage at this point.  Being head over heels in love is not a good enough reason to marry a teenager.

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