Tuesday, March 4, 2014

My Cub is 23 Years Younger!

Dear Lucia,

I met a young man 23 years younger than myself online playing a game.  We ended up falling for each other 3 months into the game and then 3 months later we met each other. 

We had so much in common even with the age difference.  It was a long distance relationship but we fell in love.  We were together for a year after we met, and then we both started feeling strange about the way people would look at us when we held hands or hugged. 

After a few months, we decided it would be best to just be friends, and it has been so difficult.  I love him so much; want to be with him all the time and I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

Is this normal?  I was married for 25 years and never ever had the type of relationship with my ex that I had and still have with my friend.  We laugh, cry, tell each other things that no one else ever knew.  Can we still keep this relationship alive without the love making and still have the love exist?  We both think we can, but others tell us we are just kidding ourselves.  Cel

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club


  1. are u kidding me? dont get me wrong, age is not the main issue here, it is the not love making part. seriouly what kind of relationship could survive that long term?

  2. the love making is just the icing on the cake ,you should be able to have a deep relationship without the love making! Then again after allready experiencing and exploring each otherand taking it to that next level of intimacy, it would be hard for me. Just get back together

  3. It comes down to being more secure about yourself than what others think. I've been in a relationship for 3 years with a man 11 years younger. The first year we struggled with the opinions of others...but we realized that we would not find this connection again with someone else. We're very happy together and accept that age is just a number. That's it.

  4. I am a 38 year old Cougar in a very loving and loyal relationship with a 23 year old man. We are engaged and about to celebrate our 2nd year together. I have no doubt that I am the one he wants to spend his life with. He has grown so much in our short 2 years together and so has our relationship and love. We have faced many trials together and have proven to be each other's strengths. With that, I am slowly shedding the fear that I carry about him finding another as I age. I now know that will not happen. My 8 year old son calls him dad and his 3 year old son that we have had custody of since 4 months into the relationship calls me mom. We are also planning to have a tubaligation reversal in less than a year. One of the big problems I had in the relationship in the beginning is people asking me if he is my son. For a long time I told him if he wants to find someone his own age I love him and wouldn't hold it against him if he wanted to go. I tried leaving him and tried kicking him out. He is still here and refuses to end our relationship. We are both mind set that what other people think has no baring on our relationship. His family loves me to death, my family, well I think they need more time. But as I have stated before, we do not care who approves and who does not. After all, in the end, there is only going to be one person there for you through it all... Your partner. Family and friends are not going to give you that sense of satisfaction that you can only get from a relationship. So do not let them interfere with your love life. In extreme cases you may have to pull back from those that are criticizing your relationship, only for a while. Once your relationship has grown and you have been together for a while, contact those loved ones again. They will soon realise the relationship is healthy and is not going away. They may be more willing to accept it at that point.

    I wish you luck, love, and happiness. And I hope you make the right decisions, based on yours and your partners feelings and not the feelings of others outside the relationship. They will not hold you at night.

    1. Thanks for your very inspirational story. I think it will help a lot of people. Best wishes, Lucia