Will Dating Cougars Mess Me Up?

Hello Lucia,

I’m a 20 year old male who’s in a great sexual relationship with a very sexy and gorgeous 40 year old woman. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend but just hanging out.  Do you think this will mess me up later on when I move past her, if we don’t create a real, full relationship?  I don’t want to have a hard time adjusting down the road with someone closer to my age.  Joe

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Bitten by the "Cougar Bug"

Hi Lucia,

I met a flight attendant last year.  We only spent an evening together, but she left a lasting impression on me.  I am 21 and she was seventeen years older.  Since then I have not been able to get over the difference between her and the other women I have dated.  I've decided to only date older women from now on, at least for a while. I've just had it with those silly college girls. 

My question: where do I start?  The oldest women in my circle of friends are maybe three to six years older than me. I want to meet more in their thirties and forties.  Martin

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25 Year Old in a 40 Year Old Body

Hi Lucia,

I’ve dated all across the age spectrum, but I always come back to older women.  Without fail, the younger ones do not have the “texture” that holds my interest, much less the class, elegance, poise and life experience that I appreciate in a high-caliber woman.  I found it funny a few years ago when the term Cougar came into the lexicon.  I guess you could say that I loved cougars before Cougars were cool.

Just over a year ago, my sweetie and I broke up.  We had been together for 5 ½ years and she was most definitely the love of my life and in my belief (and those of more than one psychic and intuitive), my soul mate or as some would say, one of them.

The breakup wasn’t my choice and frankly, it was devastating to me.  To this day, I’m still very much in love with her and would marry her tomorrow.  I’m 40, she’s 53.  The age matters to me not one bit.  I find her to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known and when I see her, I see God.  That may sound hokey, but it was actually a deeply spiritual relationship and that was an area we both shared very much.

The reason for the demise of the relationship was because I hit a rough spot in my life and found out I actually wasn’t as grown-up as I thought I was.  It became apparent that in many ways I was a 25 year old in a 40 year old body.  That is not good for an older woman who is elegant, classy and sophisticated and needs a mature, responsible man in her life, soul mate or not.

I’ve spent the last year “in the desert” and I’ve grown up.  How can I convince her of this so that we can start to rekindle what we had?   Mick

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Is It Wrong To Have Sex With a Cougar?

 

Hey Lucia,

My friends think I’m crazy because I’m 21 years old and I’ve been having GREAT sex with a 52 year old divorced woman.  We both know it’s just for sex.  Is this wrong?  Joe

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Disappearing Cubs?

Hi Lucia,

I seem to have the same pattern.  I meet younger guys (under 25) who seem very interested when we go out.  They do and say the right things.   I don’t sleep around and usually wait 2 months.  However, suddenly they’re gone - no calls or texts.   I might text once to say hello but I don't chase guys or blow up their phones. This is nothing new and has been happening for years. Why does this keep happening to me?   Scarlett Marie

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Is this Cub Using Me?

Dear Lucia,

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months.   I am 40 and he is 30.  According to him, he is only dating me.  We have never had the "talk" yet we joke around about not being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Normally we talk 1-2x a day, text each other between 5-15x a day and see each other 2-3x a week.

I know that his ex girlfriend broke up with him 5 months ago.  He recently told me that he was dating a woman in her 40s when he met his ex, who is also 30.  He said he broke up with the older woman when he began to fall in love with his ex.

I didn't ask him for how long exactly he was dating his ex before he knew that he was falling in love.  He told me that the older woman went nuts on him and hacked into his email, wrote emails to his ex and other crazy stuff.

He sounded like he just didn’t understand why the older woman went crazy on him since he, "Never told her that he loved her.”  He said that they had a good time and had fun together.

He loves to come over to my house, he loves to spend the night (if it was up to him, I even think he would move in) and he loves my expensive car. I am now wondering if I am the new older woman until he meets someone to fall in love with.

On our dates he takes me out for dinner and to the movies, but because of our schedules, 70% of the time he comes over later at night, usually between 9-11pm.    We have had a few whole day dates, hiking and biking, but that can still just be considered "having fun".

How can I know if he comes over to my house to see me because he likes me and not just because he has 4 roommates and sleeps on the sofa but I on the other hand have a nice 2 bedroom house?

How can I make sure that he is not just killing time until he finds that new "girlfriend"?  My worst fear is that I get used.  Amy

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