Is There A Future with a 22 Year Old?

                                                                              

Hi Lucia,

I recently started dating a 22 year old – I’m 42.  I gotta say, he’s so sweet and loving.  At the same time, I wonder what he's doing?  I’m really feeling him and I'm afraid I'm thinking about him or considering him too much. 

I know and understand he deserves a life where he would marry a woman that can give him a family.  We haven’t discussed this but I did tell him "This is what it is, sooner or later, it has to be over.”  He has been distant since then, but we have a cruise scheduled for next month.  How should I be taking this all?   I do feel he cares for me deeply.   Zatima

Hi Zatima,

Yes, guys in their early 20s are sweet and loving, and one of the reasons is because they’re idealistic about love.  You and I both know the chances of this leading to marriage or a long term commitment are slim to none, but he wants to believe that maybe, somehow, it might.  When you told him there was no future, you burst his bubble.  I wouldn’t have recommended that you say that to him, however, you obviously can’t take it back. 

Now you need to do some damage control.  Luckily, you have a cruise planned.  Pick a moment when you are both relaxed and in a great mood – maybe after sex - and say something like, “It feels great to be with you.  I know I said this will be over sooner or later, but you never know what might happen!”  Smile, give him a kiss and never bring the subject up again!