Friday, January 27, 2012

My Cougar Doesn't Want to Marry Me!

Hi Lucia,

I'm 20 and my partner is 34.   Recently she said she wants to get married at some point.   She is always evasive or changes the subject when I bring up specifically her marrying me, as opposed to just generally wanting to get married. This makes me think that she is just having fun with me and doesn't plan to actually marry me at some future time. 

She has said that she won't like me a bit more for trying to act older but I'm worried she needs someone who's not a kid to her and will ultimately go for someone more her peer. 

Am I just imagining it?  Ryan

Hi Ryan,

I'm sorry but I have to chuckle because it in the past it was generally women wondering if they were being used, but obviously the tide is turning!

In a  2009 study by,  only 4% of Cougars said they preferred to date Cubs 20-23.  Older women know men in their early 20s are still sowing their wild oats, so they rarely consider them "marriage material".

The good news is that she is at least willing to date you - the majority of older women wouldn't even give you a chance.  She's right - acting older is not going to help because you're not being yourself.  Only a year ago you were still in your teens, so there is no way you're going to be "mature".

All you can do is treat her well and show her you're willing to grow and become the type of man that any woman would be proud to date.  The rest is up to her!


  1. Its wrong to assume that just because he is 20 that he is not mature.. maturity does not always come with age. I dated a 51 year old cougar that was more immature than most 20 year olds.

  2. A 51 year old woman behaving immaturely doesn't automatically mean a 20 year old is mature.