Thursday, October 27, 2011

How to Catch a Cougar


 From the beginning of time, hunters of all kinds had to learn tricks of the trade to capture their prey. These days, that rare and beautiful species, Cougarus humanus, or Cougar is a highly desired catch for many young men, or Cubs. So here are three steps to ensnaring us.

1. Make the Approach

Ironically, the Cougar is easier to approach in person than the younger women you may have hunted in the past. She is receptive to advances because she knows how hard it is for a Cub to risk rejection by putting himself in harm’s way, and she appreciates a man who appreciates her.

Having said that, the Cougar is far from a pushover. She expects a coherent, relevant conversation. “Nice weather we’ve been having,” won’t cut it in the Cougar world, and she’s heard all the cheesy pick-up lines that work on 23-year-olds but here will get you shot down in flames. Instead, try a reasonably intelligent question. If she’s drinking a fancy drink, ask whether it’s safe for a man to drink. If you’re in line at movie, ask what she’s heard about it. Then shut up and let her answer: just like hunting in the wild, it’s important to know when to be quiet!

Online hunting is trickier. Once you’ve tracked down the desired prey, forget one-liners or ‘winks.’ You have to work harder to get the exotic Cougar you crave. Clever, humorous openers are more likely to impress. Even though Cougars are interested in things like “looks” and “sexiness,” they have a large pool of Cubs to choose from, and will weed out those who are immature and classless. Trust me, the reward is well worth it.

2. Set the Trap

OK, you’ve made contact, and it’s time to ask for her number. Yes…Cougars use phones for talking. They’re old school like that. Save the text messages for your pals. You’ll have to actually call your Cougar, make conversation and ask for a date. If you can’t handle this quaint custom, you may not be able to capture your prey.

Online approaches are fine, if that’s where the initial contact was made. But she’ll likely want to hear your voice before agreeing to any in-person meetings, so again, you’ll need to make that call. Don’t be afraid to prepare some notes, in case you freeze when you hear her voice. But don’t worry too much…she may find it cute that you’re so nervous!

The old where-to-go-on-the-first-date question is doubly tricky with Cougars. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to impress her by taking her to the Opera, or to a restaurant you can’t afford. She knows you’re young and might not be established in your career (read: rich), so suggest something you can afford…because you will be paying for that first date. You want a Cougar, not a sugar mama. After a few dates, you can let her kick in, but first you have to show the respect that picking up the bill symbolizes.

3. Complete the Capture

You may have identified, corralled, and confronted your prey, but the capture is still before you. Once you are on the date, she’s interested. So don’t let her slip away with one of these deadly mistakes.

Playing games:  She knows all of them and no longer has the time or patience to play them. If you’re interested, say so. If there’s an issue, talk about it rather than being passive/aggressive or disappearing.

Flaking:  The fastest way to lose a Cougar is by saying you will do something and then not following through. Call when you say you will, show up on time and be stand-up guy. She’s seen enough who aren’t to bail at the first sign of wishy-washy behavior.

Being sexually uninformed:   She’s probably more experienced than you are, so be open to suggestions and trying new things. Get over your macho inclinations in bed…this is a partnership. And please don’t be a minute man. She knows what great sex is and isn’t about to put up with a Speedy Gonzalez. Taking your time will go a long way toward keeping her around your cave. Which should be close to spotless, by the way.

So there you have it, the basics of pulling in that wonderful Cougar. Now be ready for a great new set of experiences. Let go of the tension and pressure you’ve experienced with younger ladies.  There are no daily tests or head games, just fun, pleasure and relaxation. Just don’t get lazy.  There are many more Cubs waiting to take your place, and you can only keep her by always showing you realize how lucky you are.

You’ve entered a world where you are appreciated, loved and wanted.  If you’re smart, it may just be the last hunt of your life.

1 comment:

  1. Great post!
    Thanks for sharing this stuff.