Friday, August 12, 2011

My Married Cougar is Verbally Abusive


Hi Lucia,

I’ve been dating a 44 year old married woman for 3 years.  I’m 33 and also married.  The problem we are having is that she does not put too much effort into our relationship. The sex is great and we get along, but when we get into argument, she is verbally abusive.  She tries to shut me down, doesn’t listen or look for solutions.  It seems she’s trying to gain the control and power she doesn’t have at home because her husband calls all the shots and treat her badly. 

I’ve tried my best to give this woman the emotional support and affection she has missed in the past but it has gotten to the point where she is just using me for sex when it’s convenient for her.

She recently sent me an email that ended with, “I'm sorry for everything that I've done in the past that wasn't up to your expectations...and for ruining your life.  That was never my intention - I guess I should have just left you alone.  You know how to reach me should you ever want to talk or need someone to vent to.  You will be my sunshine always and forever.  I love you.”

Do you think she wants a break or to end it?  Should let her go?  Bunny


Hi Bunny,

Should you let her go?  Hell, yeah!  You never should have let her come in the first place, literally and figuratively.  You fear that she’s just using you, but I have a newsflash for you:  when one or both of the parties in a relationship are married, they are using each other, since it has no future until they are both single.

I do not condone affairs, but if you’re going to have one, why pick someone who’s going to be verbally abusive?  Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of wanting to be with someone who makes you feel good, since you’re already dissatisfied in your marriage?

Anytime someone says something along the lines of, “Sorry for ruining your life” or “Have a nice life”, they are being manipulative and trying to get a reaction.  She’s not going anywhere, however I suggest you go back to your marriage and give your wife emotional support and affection, instead of someone else’s.

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