My 18 Year Old Cub Proposed!

                                                                          

Hi Lucia,

I really admire your work and think you are fantastic.  I am a 31 year old single mom with two young children.  I met my cub when he was just 17 and we fell head over heels in love.  I pushed him away until he turned 18, as hard as that was for the both of us.  He will be turning 19 this month.

He proposed to me on Christmas day and I said yes.  Is it wrong for me to marry a teenager of 19 when I am a 31 year old woman?  When we are together I don’t question it, but he is away for a couple of months and I’m starting to have doubts. He treats me so well and we are very happy together, as are my children. I don’t want to push him away again because of my fear of the age difference.  Karen

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Should I Marry My 22 Year Old Cub?

Hello, Lucia,

I am a 36 year-old woman who is heavily involved with a 22 year old.  I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs., and have 2 beautiful little girls.  I’ve been seeing my gorgeous, younger guy for almost a year and a half.  

When we met, I was only divorced a short while and was merely looking for a good time, and so was he.  I must admit, I am a beautiful, sexy woman, who knows what I want, and have a reputation as a heartbreaker.  I have always refused to let a man make a fool out of me, because I have always known my value.  I am, however, deeply in love with my cub. We are so close, best friends, and have the best sex imaginable. 

I tried, for the first year, to end our relationship, but he is so head-strong, and has a way with me, like no other. He refused to let me go.  My family loves him, and his family loves me.  I have actually become extremely close to his mother.  He is so wonderful to my girls.  He has really become like a second father to them.  He is not a big partier, and always, always comes straight home to me.  He has NEVER put me off so he can be with his friends, and I have NEVER had a reason not to trust him.  

He says he wants to marry me, eventually, and wants us to have a child together. I never bring up marriage, or really discuss it with him at all. He is a very hard worker, and his mother says, he always has been. He helps me with my bills around the house, and he is my handy-man.  He truly is an old-soul, and the best partner I could possibly ask for.  He says he had been drinking, and partying since he was 15, and that it made him miserable.

I would love to marry him in a couple of years, but, rightfully so, am scared to death of making a mistake.  I have read your past blogs about men not really being ready until 25.  If this is wrong for me and my girls, I need to figure it out now.  Thanks so much, Lucia...I really enjoy your blog.    Felicia

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My Cougar Doesn't Want to Marry Me!

Hi Lucia,

I'm 20 and my partner is 34.   Recently she said she wants to get married at some point.   She is always evasive or changes the subject when I bring up specifically her marrying me, as opposed to just generally wanting to get married. This makes me think that she is just having fun with me and doesn't plan to actually marry me at some future time. 

She has said that she won't like me a bit more for trying to act older but I'm worried she needs someone who's not a kid to her and will ultimately go for someone more her peer. 

Am I just imagining it?  Ryan

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Broken Cougar Engagement

Dear Lucia,

I was in a year and a half relationship with a younger guy.  It just recently ended, and I think it was mostly due to my worrying about our age difference.  I continued to have so many doubts even after he would continue to reassure me that my age didn't matter.  

We were going to be engaged and I sabotaged that as well.  I felt we weren’t accepted socially, which was, I now realize, ridiculous.

I am really hurting but I wanted to tell my story and give women the confidence that I didn't have, so that they don't lose their relationship for the same reasons or end things before they have a chance to begin.  Lori

Dear Lori,

I’m sorry to hear that you are in so much pain, because it could have been avoided.  Older women/younger men relationships are not yet accepted by most people, but that’s no reason to avoid them.  If someone has a problem with this type of relationship, it’s their problem, not the couple’s problem.

I’ve made it my mission to make the “Cougar” lifestyle more socially acceptable so that people don’t have to feel embarrassed or ashamed because they are attracted to someone who is much older/younger.

As more and more people jump on the bandwagon, it will not be as taboo as it is today.  I believe in 5-10 years, these relationships will no longer be such a big deal. 

A Cub Wants to Marry Me

                                                                                 

Hi Lucia,

I dated a much younger guy a couple of times about a year ago.   I was attracted to him, our dates went well, but I viewed him as a partying type.

Since our last date, he called me about four times to touch base.  He was having financial problems and had moved out of town.  Recently, he contacted me again after having moved back here.

During this call, he told me he missed me, had been thinking about me for a long time, loved me and wanted to marry me.   I told him that he had not really called me that much over the last year for me to believe that missed me.  He said he had been moving around to get financially on track and he would start calling me again.

The last few days, he has been calling, but it still feels strange.  He talks about making a life with someone, being lonely, not wanting an uncaring or flighty type, and feeling like he wasted the last ten years of his life partying and spending money.   

I’m single and would like to have the right guy.   I don’t want to date anyone who is insincere about me.  It's been a long journey to get to this point and I can pretty much see the guys coming who want the ruby instead of the diamond.  Should I continue to talk to this guy if I suspect this is what is going on?  I am feeling a little cautious about the whole thing.  Cautious

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club

Just a "feeling" or love?

             

Hi Lucia,

I've just met another much younger guy (16yrs) and we've both fallen for each other. I want to settle down but I don't think I have found the right guy. I can't seem to be interested in guys my age or older than me.

I had an earlier relationship with another guy 25 years younger and he still wants to continue the relationship. I've kept away from him because he is too young, even though I still have feelings for him.

I want a man to settle down with and my honest feeling is he should NOT be much younger and at the same time he must be matured. I can't see myself with an older guy.

I want to know the difference between a "feeling" and "love". Chi Chi

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club