Casting Call for Cougar Couple

A leading cable network is casting women who are empowering, successful, fabulous and the younger men they love for a groundbreaking docuseries!

Are you a successful, powerful woman who loves to date younger men or a younger man who loves to date successful women?

Do you have a man at home who depends on you as the breadwinner?

For more information, please e-mail: pamperedliving@rtvshows.com

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My 18 Year Old Cub Proposed!

                                                                          

Hi Lucia,

I really admire your work and think you are fantastic.  I am a 31 year old single mom with two young children.  I met my cub when he was just 17 and we fell head over heels in love.  I pushed him away until he turned 18, as hard as that was for the both of us.  He will be turning 19 this month.

He proposed to me on Christmas day and I said yes.  Is it wrong for me to marry a teenager of 19 when I am a 31 year old woman?  When we are together I don’t question it, but he is away for a couple of months and I’m starting to have doubts. He treats me so well and we are very happy together, as are my children. I don’t want to push him away again because of my fear of the age difference.  Karen

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

Is He Too Young For a Commitment?

Hi Lucia,

I’m 36 and my boyfriend is 28.  We had been dating for 9 months when, because of his immaturity (putting his friends before me) we broke up. Shortly afterward I went on an overseas trip for a month with no cell phone.  Upon my return I found out he had been trying to reach me.

When we finally met up, he told me that during the time we had been apart, he realized how no woman would have wanted to deal with his “friends first” attitude.  He really thought we had something special and that we should try again.  I told him:  I’m 36, I’m over these stupid games, I want a family and a strong stable relationship, if you don’t want that, let’s not try again.  He assured me that’s what he wanted too.

Things are going great and we are now talking about living together but I’m scared that this will not work out and his age will someday come to bite me in the butt.   Last month on the day he gave his landlord notice, I freaked out and created a big fight.   He took it back and said since I wasn’t ready we could wait until I am.  Do you think he’s too young to make a serious commitment at 28?  Sarah

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

Will Dating Cougars Mess Me Up?

Hello Lucia,

I’m a 20 year old male who’s in a great sexual relationship with a very sexy and gorgeous 40 year old woman. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend but just hanging out.  Do you think this will mess me up later on when I move past her, if we don’t create a real, full relationship?  I don’t want to have a hard time adjusting down the road with someone closer to my age.  Joe

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

Broken Cougar Engagement

Dear Lucia,

I was in a year and a half relationship with a younger guy.  It just recently ended, and I think it was mostly due to my worrying about our age difference.  I continued to have so many doubts even after he would continue to reassure me that my age didn't matter.  

We were going to be engaged and I sabotaged that as well.  I felt we weren’t accepted socially, which was, I now realize, ridiculous.

I am really hurting but I wanted to tell my story and give women the confidence that I didn't have, so that they don't lose their relationship for the same reasons or end things before they have a chance to begin.  Lori

Dear Lori,

I’m sorry to hear that you are in so much pain, because it could have been avoided.  Older women/younger men relationships are not yet accepted by most people, but that’s no reason to avoid them.  If someone has a problem with this type of relationship, it’s their problem, not the couple’s problem.

I’ve made it my mission to make the “Cougar” lifestyle more socially acceptable so that people don’t have to feel embarrassed or ashamed because they are attracted to someone who is much older/younger.

As more and more people jump on the bandwagon, it will not be as taboo as it is today.  I believe in 5-10 years, these relationships will no longer be such a big deal. 

I'm 66 and He's 39

Hi Lucia,

I am 66 and have been with my 39 year old boyfriend for two.  We are more in love now than when we met.  I look very young for my age but regardless I am what I am.  We have great sex and laugh so much. We do not live together and that is because I have been keeping it this way.  

We see with our friends separately because of the age difference.  I have a few friends who are very cool with our relationship but are much older than him too.  We live in such a small town we are talked about and I think most women are just plain jealous. 

We both want more but are a little nervous about how to present this to our families.  I have been slowly meeting his brothers and he has met my sisters but now there are more family members soon to arrive. 

His family doesn’t know how old I am.  They think I am 50 and the mom freaked out because she was worried about grandchildren.   Yasmin

Hi Yasmin,

Ah yes, the problem with the potential mother in law.  Isn’t it funny how, now matter how old someone is, they are still concerned about their partner’s mother?

I would not suggest you reveal your age.  It’s not because there’s anything to be ashamed of, I just don’t think that there’s no need to bring it up.  They are already concerned about an “11” year age difference, so I don’t think they’d be too thrilled to find out it was actually 27.  In either case, it’s really no one’s business.  If anyone asks, you or your boyfriend can remind them it’s not polite to ask about a woman’s age.

As for concern about grandchildren, if your boyfriend’s loves her son, her first priority should be that he is happy and in love with a woman who is good for him.  If all she cares about is grandchildren, then she is only thinking of herself.  Why should he have to sacrifice being with the woman he loves, in order to fulfill her wishes?  Everyone is free to date or marry who they want (well, except for gay people) and to choose whether or not to have children.

Keep in mind you’re not doing anything wrong.  Some family members will accept the situation and some won’t, however that is their business, not yours.  Don’t try to convince anyone of anything they’re not ready to accept.  Just be an inspiration of how two people in love treat each other and you will hopefully eventually win everyone over.

I'm Attracted to a 19 Year Old Cub

Dear Lucia,

I recently met a guy at a friend’s party.  He didn't tell me his real age when we first met because he said I wouldn't have given him a second glance. The moment we first laid eyes on each other and started talking we hit it off right away, everything faded and it felt like it was just the two of us.

We saw each other again a week later and that's when he told me he was 19.  I was in shock, I didn't know what to say or do.  I became cold and distant to this person who I thought was good for me.  He didn't act 19, his mind isn't 19.  He's smart, he treats me well, he makes me happy, we're compatible on so many levels and he's warm, kind and sweet.  Am I wrong to date him?  In shock

Dear In shock,

It’s interesting to note that if you were a man, you would probably not be writing in to ask me whether you should be dating a 19 year old girl!  Luckily, the double standard that exists in dating regarding age differences is slowly going away.  I believe in 5-10 years, it will no longer be an issue.

You didn’t tell me your age, but it doesn’t matter.  He treats you well, makes you happy, is warm, kind and sweet and you’re compatible on many levels.  Are you wrong to date him?  You’re wrong not to date him.  Enjoy yourself and don’t be too concerned about whether or not it will last.  

When Is An Age Gap Too Big?

Dear Lucia,

I’m dating a man who is five years younger than me and not settled in his life yet. He is definitely the pursuer in this relationship – calling me, setting up dates and even surprising me with events for us to go to.  I’m 38 and he is 32 although we don’t look much different in age. Should I stop seeing him because of the age difference?  When does an age gap become too big?  Suzie

Dear Suzie,

You said you don’t look much different in age. This tells me he is probably your first younger man, otherwise, you wouldn’t be so concerned about what you look like together. As long as he treats you well and you have great chemistry, who cares what you look like as a couple?  Your friends will know what the age difference is, so the only people you’re concerned about are strangers. You can’t live your life trying to look good in the eyes of people you’ll probably never see again.  Besides, they’re probably jealous!

Secondly, you mentioned that he is 32 and not yet settled.  These days, a lot of 32-year-olds aren’t settled – male or female. You have to ask yourself some questions: When do I want to be married by?  Do I want to have children?  When?  Is he motivated and working toward security and stability or is he still into behaving as if he were in college? What are his long-term goals?  What are your long-term goals?   If you want to be married within the next 2 years, then you need to ask yourself if he could possibly be "The One."  If not, are you willing to simply stay and enjoy the moment knowing that eventually you’ll have to move on?  Not every relationship has to lead to marriage.

Finally, when does an age gap become too big? Well, six years is not that much of an age difference and will become even less so as you get older. It’s not about age. It’s about compatibility.

In the end, to have a great relationship you need to have two people who appreciate each other and feel lucky to be together, no matter what the age difference may be.  To quote the late Aaliyah, "Age ain’t nothin’ but a number."