Is this Cub Using Me?

Dear Lucia,

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months.   I am 40 and he is 30.  According to him, he is only dating me.  We have never had the "talk" yet we joke around about not being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Normally we talk 1-2x a day, text each other between 5-15x a day and see each other 2-3x a week.

I know that his ex girlfriend broke up with him 5 months ago.  He recently told me that he was dating a woman in her 40s when he met his ex, who is also 30.  He said he broke up with the older woman when he began to fall in love with his ex.

I didn't ask him for how long exactly he was dating his ex before he knew that he was falling in love.  He told me that the older woman went nuts on him and hacked into his email, wrote emails to his ex and other crazy stuff.

He sounded like he just didn’t understand why the older woman went crazy on him since he, "Never told her that he loved her.”  He said that they had a good time and had fun together.

He loves to come over to my house, he loves to spend the night (if it was up to him, I even think he would move in) and he loves my expensive car. I am now wondering if I am the new older woman until he meets someone to fall in love with.

On our dates he takes me out for dinner and to the movies, but because of our schedules, 70% of the time he comes over later at night, usually between 9-11pm.    We have had a few whole day dates, hiking and biking, but that can still just be considered "having fun".

How can I know if he comes over to my house to see me because he likes me and not just because he has 4 roommates and sleeps on the sofa but I on the other hand have a nice 2 bedroom house?

How can I make sure that he is not just killing time until he finds that new "girlfriend"?  My worst fear is that I get used.  Amy

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

I'm Attracted to a 19 Year Old Cub

Dear Lucia,

I recently met a guy at a friend’s party.  He didn't tell me his real age when we first met because he said I wouldn't have given him a second glance. The moment we first laid eyes on each other and started talking we hit it off right away, everything faded and it felt like it was just the two of us.

We saw each other again a week later and that's when he told me he was 19.  I was in shock, I didn't know what to say or do.  I became cold and distant to this person who I thought was good for me.  He didn't act 19, his mind isn't 19.  He's smart, he treats me well, he makes me happy, we're compatible on so many levels and he's warm, kind and sweet.  Am I wrong to date him?  In shock

Dear In shock,

It’s interesting to note that if you were a man, you would probably not be writing in to ask me whether you should be dating a 19 year old girl!  Luckily, the double standard that exists in dating regarding age differences is slowly going away.  I believe in 5-10 years, it will no longer be an issue.

You didn’t tell me your age, but it doesn’t matter.  He treats you well, makes you happy, is warm, kind and sweet and you’re compatible on many levels.  Are you wrong to date him?  You’re wrong not to date him.  Enjoy yourself and don’t be too concerned about whether or not it will last.