MTV True Life Casting

Should I Ask Out My Cougar Co-Worker?

Hi Lucia,

I just started working with a gorgeous woman (recently divorced).  She has a great personality and I’m really attracted to her.  She is 45 and I am 20.  I’ve been with women older than her but it was just one night stands.

I think she is into me.  The second day we met she told me about her friends being into younger guys, and how she has not slept with a man in a while. She also makes me work with her all the time, and it seems like she tries to get me alone with her.

I go back to work with her on Monday for one of my last days and I'm thinking about asking for her number.  I'm not too sure about it, because I do not want to make things awkward. What do you think?  Is she into me?  Should I get her number or leave it alone?   Rex

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Where to Take a Cougar on a First Date?

 

Hi Lucia,

Thanks for all you do.  You're really awesome!

My question is, what are some great first date ideas, particularly for a cougar/cub couple?

After being in college for 4.5 years and dating girls roughly the same age as myself I've noticed most of my dates really just consisted of hanging out around campus, or going to parties, or clubs.

What are some more mature dates that a classy, intelligent cougar would enjoy?  Ryan

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Is He Too Young For a Commitment?

Hi Lucia,

I’m 36 and my boyfriend is 28.  We had been dating for 9 months when, because of his immaturity (putting his friends before me) we broke up. Shortly afterward I went on an overseas trip for a month with no cell phone.  Upon my return I found out he had been trying to reach me.

When we finally met up, he told me that during the time we had been apart, he realized how no woman would have wanted to deal with his “friends first” attitude.  He really thought we had something special and that we should try again.  I told him:  I’m 36, I’m over these stupid games, I want a family and a strong stable relationship, if you don’t want that, let’s not try again.  He assured me that’s what he wanted too.

Things are going great and we are now talking about living together but I’m scared that this will not work out and his age will someday come to bite me in the butt.   Last month on the day he gave his landlord notice, I freaked out and created a big fight.   He took it back and said since I wasn’t ready we could wait until I am.  Do you think he’s too young to make a serious commitment at 28?  Sarah

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10 Things Never to Say to a Cougar Online

One of the best places to meet a Cougar is on a dating site.   Here are 10 things never to say/ask when you contact a Cougar online.

1.   How old are you?  -  Does this even need to be said?  You’re either interested in her or you’re not.  Does it really matter how old she is if you think she’s hot?

2.    Hi /How are you? – One word or one line emails will get you nowhere.  About 50% of cubs who approach me online make this mistake.   What percentage do I respond to?  0%.  If you are emailing a Cougar for the first time and that’s all you have to say for yourself, good luck. 

3.   You look good for your age. – You may think this is a compliment, but mentioning a woman’s age is a back-handed compliment at best.  Why does it have to be ‘for her age’?   If she looks good, she looks good.  Period. 

4.  Can I be your Cub?  -  Would you ever say “Can I be your boyfriend” to a stranger?  Probably not.  It’s something that either just happens naturally or is discussed in “the talk”.   You may be trying to be funny, but it sounds like you’re either desperate or you want to be a pet! 

5.  Have you had botox?  - Asking about any cosmetic procedure is “très gauche”.  If she wants you to know whether she’s had any work done, she’ll tell you.  As long as you think she’s hot, who cares?

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Should I Marry My 22 Year Old Cub?

Hello, Lucia,

I am a 36 year-old woman who is heavily involved with a 22 year old.  I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs., and have 2 beautiful little girls.  I’ve been seeing my gorgeous, younger guy for almost a year and a half.  

When we met, I was only divorced a short while and was merely looking for a good time, and so was he.  I must admit, I am a beautiful, sexy woman, who knows what I want, and have a reputation as a heartbreaker.  I have always refused to let a man make a fool out of me, because I have always known my value.  I am, however, deeply in love with my cub. We are so close, best friends, and have the best sex imaginable. 

I tried, for the first year, to end our relationship, but he is so head-strong, and has a way with me, like no other. He refused to let me go.  My family loves him, and his family loves me.  I have actually become extremely close to his mother.  He is so wonderful to my girls.  He has really become like a second father to them.  He is not a big partier, and always, always comes straight home to me.  He has NEVER put me off so he can be with his friends, and I have NEVER had a reason not to trust him.  

He says he wants to marry me, eventually, and wants us to have a child together. I never bring up marriage, or really discuss it with him at all. He is a very hard worker, and his mother says, he always has been. He helps me with my bills around the house, and he is my handy-man.  He truly is an old-soul, and the best partner I could possibly ask for.  He says he had been drinking, and partying since he was 15, and that it made him miserable.

I would love to marry him in a couple of years, but, rightfully so, am scared to death of making a mistake.  I have read your past blogs about men not really being ready until 25.  If this is wrong for me and my girls, I need to figure it out now.  Thanks so much, Lucia...I really enjoy your blog.    Felicia

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

How Can I Keep My Cougar Happy?

Hi Lucia,

I'm in my first relationship with an older woman and it's amazing!  I wish I'd thought of this sooner.  Everything is great and I want to make sure it stays that way.  Can you give me some tips on how to keep my Cougar happy?  Matt

Hi Matt,

Welcome to the Cougar Lifestyle!  More and more younger men are realizing that dating older women has many advantages that you don't get with younger women.  Here are 3 tips to assure that things continue to run smoothly:

Don’t play games.  She probably knows all of them and no longer has the time or patience to play them.  She's interested in "mature" younger men, not boys. If there’s an issue, talk about it, instead of being passive/aggressive or disappearing.

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Is She a Cougar?

Hi Lucia,

I'm 23 years and there is a 40ish, extremely hot lady at the gym who dresses to kill and seduce.  She does wear a ring or should I say more than one.  How can I find out if she is a Cougar?  Sean

Hi Sean,

The fact that she dresses to "kill and seduce" as you say (although, shouldn't it be the other way around), could mean one of two things:  1)  She is indeed a Cougar who is on the prowl and wants to attract as much attention as possible or 2) She's in a relationship or married and not getting enough attention, so she uses her clothes to make her feel wanted and attractive, but she has no intentions of going any further.

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I'm Hiding My Cougar From My Parents

          

Hi Lucia,

I’m 24 and I've been dating a woman who is twice my age for about twelve months.  Thus far, my parents don't know about her though they are aware I am seeing someone.  They have continued to ask if they could at least see a picture of her but I have always refused.

Recently, my parents have become more adamant to see who I'm dating and it's been evolving into a more contentious issue.  Would you recommend me showing my parents a photo which could possibly alter our close relationship, or should I continue to be vague and secretive.  Mike

Read Lucia's answer at The Cougar Club
 

20 vs 40

                                                                              

 

Hi Lucia,

 

I believe that dating in your 40's needs to be treated in a completely different way than in your 20's. What are your thoughts? Joan

 

Hi Joan,

 

I acquiesce! The 20's is a time when you are still growing and maturing. Scientists at the NIH campus in Bethesda, Md., have found that "the executive branch" of the teen brain — the part that weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn't fully mature until age 25.

 

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My Cougar Never Calls

                                                                              

Dear Lucia,

I am dating a 37 year old woman who I feel is leading me on... she always text messages me but never calls.  It seems as though if I don’t call her, she won’t stay interested.  How can I find out what she wants from me...I want something serious!  I don’t know how I should be to get her!! I am 29 and have always dated older women.  Louis

Read the answer at The Cougar Club