My Married Cougar is Verbally Abusive

Hi Lucia,

I’ve been dating a 44 year old married woman for 3 years.  I’m 33 and also married.  The problem we are having is that she does not put too much effort into our relationship. The sex is great and we get along, but when we get into arguments, she is verbally abusive.  She tries to shut me down, doesn’t listen or look for solutions.  It seems she’s trying to gain the control and power she doesn’t have at home because her husband calls all the shots and treat her badly. 

I’ve tried my best to give this woman the emotional support and affection she has missed in the past but it has gotten to the point where she is just using me for sex when it’s convenient for her.

She recently sent me an email that ended with, “I'm sorry for everything that I've done in the past that wasn't up to your expectations...and for ruining your life.  That was never my intention - I guess I should have just left you alone.  You know how to reach me should you ever want to talk or need someone to vent to.  You will be my sunshine always and forever.  I love you.”

Do you think she wants a break or to end it?  Should let her go?  Bunny

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Should I Marry My 22 Year Old Cub?

Hello, Lucia,

I am a 36 year-old woman who is heavily involved with a 22 year old.  I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs., and have 2 beautiful little girls.  I’ve been seeing my gorgeous, younger guy for almost a year and a half.  

When we met, I was only divorced a short while and was merely looking for a good time, and so was he.  I must admit, I am a beautiful, sexy woman, who knows what I want, and have a reputation as a heartbreaker.  I have always refused to let a man make a fool out of me, because I have always known my value.  I am, however, deeply in love with my cub. We are so close, best friends, and have the best sex imaginable. 

I tried, for the first year, to end our relationship, but he is so head-strong, and has a way with me, like no other. He refused to let me go.  My family loves him, and his family loves me.  I have actually become extremely close to his mother.  He is so wonderful to my girls.  He has really become like a second father to them.  He is not a big partier, and always, always comes straight home to me.  He has NEVER put me off so he can be with his friends, and I have NEVER had a reason not to trust him.  

He says he wants to marry me, eventually, and wants us to have a child together. I never bring up marriage, or really discuss it with him at all. He is a very hard worker, and his mother says, he always has been. He helps me with my bills around the house, and he is my handy-man.  He truly is an old-soul, and the best partner I could possibly ask for.  He says he had been drinking, and partying since he was 15, and that it made him miserable.

I would love to marry him in a couple of years, but, rightfully so, am scared to death of making a mistake.  I have read your past blogs about men not really being ready until 25.  If this is wrong for me and my girls, I need to figure it out now.  Thanks so much, Lucia...I really enjoy your blog.    Felicia

Read the answer at The Cougar Club

I'm Distraught Over My Cougar!

Hi Lucia,

I'm 25 and dating a woman who is 44.   Someone joked about our age gap and ever since then, she's been very distant. She doesn't talk to me everyday or stay with me like she used too.   I've been very distraught over this and I’ll admit I've cried a few times because I feel she has no idea how much I love and care about her. Tony

Hi Tony,

I’m so sorry to hear you’re so upset.  She’s probably feeling embarrassed and ashamed, even though she’s not doing anything wrong.  Unfortunately, not everyone has a thick skin.

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How Can I Keep My Cougar Happy?

Hi Lucia,

I'm in my first relationship with an older woman and it's amazing!  I wish I'd thought of this sooner.  Everything is great and I want to make sure it stays that way.  Can you give me some tips on how to keep my Cougar happy?  Matt

Hi Matt,

Welcome to the Cougar Lifestyle!  More and more younger men are realizing that dating older women has many advantages that you don't get with younger women.  Here are 3 tips to assure that things continue to run smoothly:

Don’t play games.  She probably knows all of them and no longer has the time or patience to play them.  She's interested in "mature" younger men, not boys. If there’s an issue, talk about it, instead of being passive/aggressive or disappearing.

Read the rest of the answer at The Cougar Club