My Cub is Very Shy

Hi Lucia,

I'm 48 and my cub is 22.  We met online and have never met in person. We message each other daily. With men my own age I usually play somewhat aloof and do not accept daily chatter, however this young man is 26 years my junior and admittedly VERY SHY.

How should I treat him?   I don't want to lose him, but don't want to have him taking me for granted.  I also plan on not sleeping with him for 2 months.   What would you advise?

Hi Elle,

He’s 22!  Shy or not, he doesn’t have much life experience, never mind dating experience.  I don’t see this as something that’s going to be a long term thing.  Guys in their early 20s generally just want to have sex.  So, although he should treat you with respect, there’s not a lot you can do to make sure he won’t take you for granted.  In many ways, he’s still a kid.

It’s your choice when you sleep with him, but this is one of the few times when it really doesn’t matter – it’s not likely to change the outcome.  If he doesn’t want to have sex again after the first time, it doesn’t matter how long you waited and vice versa.

Will Cougars Date Teenage Cubs?

Hi Lucia,

Do Cougars ONLY look for 21+ age or will they also go for 18+.  Peter

Hi Peter,

It depends on the Cougar.  Most prefer guys over 21 for two reasons.  The first is so that they will be able to go to bars and clubs with them and the second is because they don’t like the thought of dating a teenager, especially if they have teenage children themselves.

However, there are some who have no problem dating someone who is not yet 21, especially if he is mature for his age.  Only thing you can do is ask!

Thank you!

Hi Lucia,

 

No questions at this time (although the more I date, the more I seem to have-LOL), but I just wanted to take the time to thank you for all you do for we mature singles out here in the dating world today.  I think you provide invaluable advice for and wonderful understanding of both single men and women involved in modern-day dating, especially those coming out of previous long-term relationships for the first time in a while.

I always look forward to reading your frequent new posts and tweets very much. If you ever want my humble male opinion on anything romance-related, I would be glad and honored to offer it to you.  Again, thanks for all you do for Baby-boomer and Gen-X singles everywhere.

Keep up the great work!  Allan

 

 

Hi Allan,

 

Thanks, I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me.  It's nice to know I'm having a positive influence on people's dating lives!

I'm 66 and He's 39

Hi Lucia,

I am 66 and have been with my 39 year old boyfriend for two.  We are more in love now than when we met.  I look very young for my age but regardless I am what I am.  We have great sex and laugh so much. We do not live together and that is because I have been keeping it this way.  

We see with our friends separately because of the age difference.  I have a few friends who are very cool with our relationship but are much older than him too.  We live in such a small town we are talked about and I think most women are just plain jealous. 

We both want more but are a little nervous about how to present this to our families.  I have been slowly meeting his brothers and he has met my sisters but now there are more family members soon to arrive. 

His family doesn’t know how old I am.  They think I am 50 and the mom freaked out because she was worried about grandchildren.   Yasmin

Hi Yasmin,

Ah yes, the problem with the potential mother in law.  Isn’t it funny how, now matter how old someone is, they are still concerned about their partner’s mother?

I would not suggest you reveal your age.  It’s not because there’s anything to be ashamed of, I just don’t think that there’s no need to bring it up.  They are already concerned about an “11” year age difference, so I don’t think they’d be too thrilled to find out it was actually 27.  In either case, it’s really no one’s business.  If anyone asks, you or your boyfriend can remind them it’s not polite to ask about a woman’s age.

As for concern about grandchildren, if your boyfriend’s loves her son, her first priority should be that he is happy and in love with a woman who is good for him.  If all she cares about is grandchildren, then she is only thinking of herself.  Why should he have to sacrifice being with the woman he loves, in order to fulfill her wishes?  Everyone is free to date or marry who they want (well, except for gay people) and to choose whether or not to have children.

Keep in mind you’re not doing anything wrong.  Some family members will accept the situation and some won’t, however that is their business, not yours.  Don’t try to convince anyone of anything they’re not ready to accept.  Just be an inspiration of how two people in love treat each other and you will hopefully eventually win everyone over.