My Cub is 23 Years Younger!

Dear Lucia,

I met a young man 23 years younger than myself online playing a game.  We ended up falling for each other 3 months into the game and then 3 months later we met each other. 

We had so much in common even with the age difference.  It was a long distance relationship but we fell in love.  We were together for a year after we met, and then we both started feeling strange about the way people would look at us when we held hands or hugged. 

After a few months, we decided it would be best to just be friends, and it has been so difficult.  I love him so much; want to be with him all the time and I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

Is this normal?  I was married for 25 years and never ever had the type of relationship with my ex that I had and still have with my friend.  We laugh, cry, tell each other things that no one else ever knew.  Can we still keep this relationship alive without the love making and still have the love exist?  We both think we can, but others tell us we are just kidding ourselves.  Cel

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I'm 19 and my Cougar is 41

Dear Lucia,

I am 19 years old and am currently in a physical relationship with a woman who is 41 years old. We  go out to eat and spend time together every now and then, but I find myself interested in wanting a more serious relationship.

I understand that plenty of people think the age difference is too large but for someone my age, I have a lot going. I currently work two jobs and attend a very prestigious college. I am earning about 40k a year. It may be enough to get me through school and put away for savings but not quite support her. She is struggling with expenses and had been laid off.

We are great friends, have a lot in common, and just love being around each other. I will be starting a fairly good job with Chase Manhattan Bank at the end of this year and will be able to provide for her financially, so finances won't be an issue.

How I go about telling her?  What do you think I should say or do?  If everything works out with her, how do I go about explaining this to my family?  I want to be sure they accept her and treat her well. Any advice or assistance you could give me would be greatly appreciated.  Michael

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Just a "feeling" or love?

             

Hi Lucia,

I've just met another much younger guy (16yrs) and we've both fallen for each other. I want to settle down but I don't think I have found the right guy. I can't seem to be interested in guys my age or older than me.

I had an earlier relationship with another guy 25 years younger and he still wants to continue the relationship. I've kept away from him because he is too young, even though I still have feelings for him.

I want a man to settle down with and my honest feeling is he should NOT be much younger and at the same time he must be matured. I can't see myself with an older guy.

I want to know the difference between a "feeling" and "love". Chi Chi

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20 vs 40

                                                                              

 

Hi Lucia,

 

I believe that dating in your 40's needs to be treated in a completely different way than in your 20's. What are your thoughts? Joan

 

Hi Joan,

 

I acquiesce! The 20's is a time when you are still growing and maturing. Scientists at the NIH campus in Bethesda, Md., have found that "the executive branch" of the teen brain — the part that weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn't fully mature until age 25.

 

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My Cougar Wants to Get Serious

                                                                                                   

Hi Lucia,

I have a relationship that I want to last but I’m not sure if it can.  I’m a 20 year old male dating a 43 year old woman. We get along great, have an amazing sex life, but now she wants to get a lot more serious. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to do that or not. What do you think?  Andy

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