Saturday, December 14, 2013

Guest Post: Response to "16 Ways to Spot a Cougar"


Cougar. I honestly don’t know how I feel about this term. I will say I prefer it over its dreaded cousin “MILF”. Regardless, there seems to be so many different descriptions as varied as the people who provide them. But alright let’s play along. I’m 41 and single and therefore a “Cougar”.
Now enter an article “16 Ways to Spot a Cougar”. After reading this article I was relatively speechless and offended. Now I decided to look past the author’s obvious contempt for women, especially women over 40, and address why he (and men like him or taking his advice) are complete idiots.

So after you read past him trying to sound like an “expert” and somewhat educated, even the “pat on the back” he gives himself by “doing research” and copulating with a cougar or two (yawn, shake head and roll eyes here) so we can all be assured of his prowess and thorough methodology, begins his assessment of us poor, wretched cougars and our “hamster souls”.  

Let’s run down the list

1.  Elevated Masculine Mannerisms And Features

“The hormonal changes that women undergo as they get older tends to diminish their (already tenuous) femininity as Western women.  Their faces take on a more hard-bitten, harsh appearance, and it is not uncommon for facial hair to increase significantly.  Estrogen levels seem to go down, voices deepen, and a constant exposure to feminist propaganda whittles away at whatever may be left of their feminine core.  Sexual dimorphism in behavior seems to fade as cougarism blossoms.”

*** According to this “Cougar Expert”, we go through changes that make our appearance harsh, our estrogen levels lower, we get more facial hair and “ a constant exposure to feminist propaganda whittles away at whatever may be left of their feminine core”…Really? So we become ugly, hairy, manly, and mentally weak. Ok…so why are you trying to sleep with us? And where does this happen? I look at the women on The Cougar Club website and I’m just not seeing it. Hell I look in the mirror and I don’t see this phenomena taking place.

2.  Fixation On Younger Women’s Clothing Styles

“In an attempt to recapture her lost party-girl, carousel-riding youth, the cougar will become more and more shameless in wearing clothing designed for girls 20 years younger.  Favorites here are leopard-spot and tiger-stripe patterns, short skirts, skin-tight jeans, and low cut blouses designed to show off an ample, silicone-enhanced cleavage.”

*** Hilarious.  I have 2 schools of thought here. One is no matter what age you are, wear what you like and what’s flattering. I’m a size 2, I have news for you I’m wearing Guess Jeans, I like them and they fit well…Deal. The other is most of us women aren’t trying to recapture our youth. We like designers, we like fashion. And in my 20’s I couldn’t afford Dolce, Chanel, YSL, but I can now! HA!  If you got it flaunt it - store bought or not…no matter what your age is! 

3.  Constant Talk About Work

“Admittedly, the modern cougar works hard.  Not for her are the languid, relaxed days of lounging around the house.  She usually has brood to provide for, and her own upkeep is hardly inexpensive.  Unless she has hit the jackpot by shaking down her ex-husband in divorce court, expect the cougar to work well into her elder years.  She takes her work seriously.  The down side of this, unfortunately, is that you never stop hearing about it.  Besides her work and her kids, the cougar cares for little else.  And you will hear about both.  Constantly.  I have found this one of the oddest cougar traits:  so mature in many respects, but so childish and juvenile when it comes to trying to make intelligent conversation with men.  Some things women just never outgrow.  Ah, humanity.”

***Now in dating and relationships the questions “ what do you do for work?” and “how was work?” seem like typical and normal questions to me. I have a formal career and education, like most women my age, so yes I work hard and a great deal. But my career doesn’t define me, it’s a part of who I am, not all of it.  I really love the part about shaking an ex-husband down, because you know, that’s what we’re all out for!!  Of course we take our work seriously… we didn’t spend years in college and building our careers to NOT take our work seriously! In my group of cougar friends we are all doctors, lawyers, reporters, scientists etc.

And well, of course we are all childish and juvenile when it comes to intelligent conversation. We’re women, we can’t have a thought without you giving it to us, after all it’s a scary world out of the kitchen, in shoes and not pregnant! Help, help! I need an adult!!

4.  Constant Blather About Her Ex-Husband, Kids, Or Party-Girl Years

“The cougar will initially feign interest in her younger male target, flattering him with attention.  But after coitus has been consummated, the hapless youngster will find himself enmeshed in a constant stream of mind-numbing jibberish about how bad her ex-spouse is, how great her kids are, and how she wistfully longs for her lost party-girl (i.e., carousel) years.”

***LOL!! FYI…it will take a LOT more for most cougars to “consummate coitus.” As well, my ex, my son and my past are absolutely none of anyone’s business. I chat about these things with my girlfriends, not men I date. And if a man asks, he gets the vague simple answer. Trust me, most of us aren’t dwelling in the past, we’re having fun in the present and building a future.

Read the rest of the article at:  The Cougar Club

No comments:

Post a Comment